How to Help Someone with an Eating Disorder

✅ What TO Say and Do

Express Concern (Not Criticism)

• "I care about you and I'm worried about you."
• "I've noticed some changes and I wanted to check in with you."
• "I'm here to listen without judgment if you want to talk."
• "How are you really doing? I'm concerned."

Offer Specific Support

• "Would you like me to help you find a therapist?"
• "I can go with you to your appointments if that would help."
• "Let me know what I can do to support you."
• "I'm here for you, no matter what."

Focus on Feelings, Not Food

• "You seem stressed lately. How can I support you?"
• "I know this must be really difficult for you."
• "Your feelings are valid. I'm here to listen."
• "What do you need from me right now?"

Encourage Professional Help

• "I think talking to a professional could really help."
• "Would you be open to seeing a doctor or therapist?"
• "There are people who specialize in helping with this."
• "Recovery is possible with the right support."

❌ What NOT to Say or Do

Avoid Comments About Appearance

• ❌ "You look so thin/healthy/good!"
• ❌ "You've lost/gained weight."
• ❌ "You don't look like you have an eating disorder."
• ✅ Instead: Focus on their wellbeing, not their appearance

Don't Minimize or Dismiss

• ❌ "Just eat/stop eating."
• ❌ "It's not that big of a deal."
• ❌ "Lots of people struggle with this."
• ✅ Instead: Acknowledge the seriousness and their struggle

Avoid Making It About Food

• ❌ "Why don't you just...?" (eat normally, stop purging, etc.)
• ❌ "If you would just try harder..."
• ❌ Commenting on what or how much they eat
• ✅ Instead: Remember eating disorders aren't about food alone

Don't Be Judgmental or Controlling

• ❌ "You're being ridiculous."
• ❌ Monitoring or policing their eating
• ❌ Forcing them to eat or not eat
• ✅ Instead: Offer support without controlling behavior

Practical Steps You Can Take

Resources for Families and Friends