Note: This post originally appeared on Between Hurricane and Harbor and has been cross-posted with permission.
the idea of celebrating this new year with resolutions to change myself is the most appealing thing in the world. it’s great to want to better yourself and know that there is room for growth. this idea is so honest and so gentle, it is saying ‘here i am, i can’t wait to grow in this.’ and the notion of growth comes from trust- trust in ourselves, in this very moment.
however, new years resolutions take on a different tone to me. and i’m sure for some others, too. after all, the latest motto is ‘new year, new me’ and that sounds so good, right? yes, especially to my eating disorder.
in my eating disorder, i want to be anyone but me. and it wants to have a field day with the idea that i can create a new me and that the new me will be so much better, happier, smarter, thinner, x, y, and even z!
this idea is so validating to the disordered parts that believe that the current me is not good enough. we put so much pressure on ourselves to be better, like, now. as if we can change the people we have become up to 11:59pm by 12:00am. how unfair is that to ourselves? that with another tick of the clock, we are ready to denounce our whole selves in the hope of a better model?
the ‘new year, new me’ idea validates the deep mistrust i feel with myself. it validates the belief that the current me is in need of a drastic change in order to be acceptable. and this new year’s, i am making a conscious effort to step outside of that thinking.
as the opposite of the ‘new year, new me’ mindset, how liberating would it be to have the freedom to meet yourself where you are at, at every moment? no matter what, to be able to say ‘here i am, it’s okay, i am okay’?
the notion of growth is based in trust. for a seed to grow into a plant, it must trust it’s nature enough to let go of its original form.
so. let this year be a year of trusting in yourself; trusting in yourself as you are in this very moment. let yourself be as you are right now, without fear and without judgement. let 2018 be a time where you cultivate the trust in yourself that will allow you the space to be as you are now, and to continue to grow into who you will be tomorrow.