Note: This post originally appeared on http://anti-pro-destruction.tumblr.com/ and has been cross-posted with permission.
So I see so many of these “imagine waking up day x being skinny!!!” Posts so I’m going to bring you this instead:
Imagine waking up recovered.
Imagine waking up, and opening your eyes. You instantly don’t feel like you’d rather die. Your body doesn’t ache instantly and feel cold even though you’re buried under the covers. In fact, you feel pretty warm.
You take that sweet 5 more minutes and relax before you actually get up. It’s the first day of school/college/work. Eventually you drag yourself out of bed. When you stand, you don’t feel dizzy and have the urge to keel over like you used to. Your legs don’t shake and your head doesn’t feel wickedly dizzy and light.
You walk to your wardrobe and pick out an outfit. It’s something simple enough and it’s pretty warm out, just a simple but cute top and shorts/leggings.(choose your preference; that’s another thing with these posts, they never put in clothes that I’d ever wear personally lol) you decide against a jacket as you don’t need it, considering you don’t feel constantly freezing cold anymore. Your nails are painted your favourite colour, and they’re no longer brittle and they don’t break every 5 minutes like they used to.
You glance in the mirror for a second as you’re passing and stare at yourself. The girl in the mirror looks…healthy. She looks slim but strong, and your skin is glowing. The clothes that once hung off your bony body now fit you nicely, and you look good in them. For once, you look in the mirror and you’re happy with what you see. Your reflection doesn’t make you want to curl up and cry anymore. You don’t feel hatred towards your body. You’re satisfied.
You smile and head for the bathroom. You brush your teeth which used to be all sensitive from the purging, which thankfully you were able to stop before you lost your teeth completely. You’ve managed to whiten your teeth up quite a bit since then, and they shine.
You leave your hair down. Your hair is fuller than its ever been. In past, it was stringy and chunks of it would randomly fall out. It looked dead and straggly and clung to your head limply. Now, it’s soft and shiny and healthy. It looks good. It looks pretty. You don’t need to do a whole lot with it since it already looks good as it is.
You take a second to look at your face. Your face no longer looks gaunt, and your cheekbones don’t stick out at an alarming rate. Your eyes don’t look all sunken in and dead, and the purple bags under your eyes are nowhere near as prominent. You look less tired. Your cheeks are fuller and naturally coloured, a big contrast from how pale your fave used to constantly be. You look alive. And, since you’ve been eating healthily, getting the right nutrients and taking care of yourself, your skin is completely clear.
So, you decide you don’t even need that much makeup and just put on a bit of lipstick and some mascara. (Or you could put on a full face of makeup to fully rock those new healthy features, you do you!) Either way, you look great.
You head downstairs. You have a delicious breakfast of your choice. It’s healthy and filling, and fills you right up. You sit at the table to eat, having a smoothie with it. As you eat, you allow yourself to enjoy the taste fully. Without panicking over calorie content, or how many hours you’d need to exercise to work it off. Without worrying. You’re free from that now. Your breakfast tastes super good, might I add. It makes your tummy feel warm, and that feels good, rather than making you feel guilty and gross as it did in past.
That finished, you clean up and head out to work/school. You’re full of energy. The legs which used to shake and feel weak can now carry you with ease. As you walk, you have a spring in your step. You walk in the morning sunlight and look positively radiant.
When you reach your work/school place, heads turn. In awe. They watch you as you walk to your first class/desk. You’re standing in the place of the girl they once knew. The girl who always looked tired, the girl who had to wear tights under her size 00 jeans to stop them falling down, the girl who had constant dark bags under her eyes, the girl who puked in the bathrooms at lunch, the girl who collapsed in gym that one time. That girl who often randomly didn’t show up to class, who looked so sick and unhealthy that she got reported to the school counselor by her classmates, the girl who refused to eat at lunch. That “anorexic chick”, that became defined by the illness that consumed her, and became all she was known as. The sick girl.
Heads turn as they notice you, and their jaws drop in awe. You look so much better. You have a healthy figure, your skin is glowing, and you look wonderful. Suddenly compliments are raining on you from every corner, people telling you you look stunning. Eyes are on you. Guys turn and stare. So do girls.(note: for any lesbian/bi/pan etc. girls reading this, I only ever see HeterosexualTM posts like this and it irks me to no end, so please pick your preferred gender(s) here!!) Your crush speaks to you, seeing you no longer as being the sick girl who hid herself away from everyone, but rather as yourself.
You go about your day as usual. People keep coming up to you and telling you how great you look. People smile more at you. You smile more back. You don’t see them as enemies anymore, and for once you can actually accept the compliments they’re giving you. You’re confident, and happy with yourself, and feel accepted at last.
your classes are easy enough, at lunch you eat with your friends and for once you’re able to actually eat with them without feeling guilty. They’re not giving you sideways disapproving looks or “you need to eat more” comments. The conversation is light and you all spend your lunch laughing.
When you get home, you have a little snack. Being unafraid to eat something small that’s unhealthy and knowing that it won’t hurt you, you dare to have a candy bar. You breeze through your homework. You might then go for a walk or jog with your friends or to the gym, but that’s only if you feel like it. You no longer feel the need to exercise off every single calorie, but you exercise to be healthy. And because it’s fun. Or you might give it a night off and stay in and watch Netflix too. Which you know is also okay. You’ve had a long day and you know you deserve a treat, and now you can finally treat yourself. You think your body deserves it after the years of hatred after all. You no longer feel guilty for giving your body a treat.
You make dinner with your family/whoever’s living with you and it’s delicious. You’ve always liked making food but have had the knack of making it for others but refusing to eat it yourself. Now you can finally eat what you’re making. It tastes really good! You’re proud of yourself.
You change into some cute pajamas and slide into bed and fall asleep at the end of your day. During your going to bed routine, there’s no nightly weigh in. No purge. No panic. No sobbing in the shower at the sight of your own body. You’re finally free from that. You’re completely happy with yourself. As you drift off, you realise how glad you are to have recovered. You fall asleep looking forward to tomorrow, and have sweet dreams.