by Tayla Coull
Note: This piece originally appeared on A Little Bit of Everything and has been cross-posted with permission.
Trying to explain to someone what it is actually like to have an eating disorder is VERY difficult to explain…but what the heck? I might as well give it a go regardless.
Let’s start off with asking you. Yes, you reading this! What is your biggest fear? It may be a fear of spiders, heights, the sea…maybe even stickers or 5 pence coins (yes, I know people with these fears/phobias)
Now think about that particular fear and the way you would feel being confronted with it 3-4 times a day.
Lets just say, in short terms it will
A) Be your worst nightmare
B) It will fucking suck.
The phobia will begin to have a HUGE affect on your life, especially, your social life and not forgetting your mental health. You will begin to have major anxiety because you never know when you are next going to have to be confronted with your fear.
Some people are probably thinking ‘Gosh Tay get over it loads of people get over their fears’ but in reality, when it comes to eating disorders, it takes a lot of hard work, time and commitment to be able to fully recover.
Having an eating disorder is just like having your worst fear with your 24/7. It is a nasty voice in your head called Ana/Mia or whoever constantly bullying you and controlling your life. It is the fear of food and weight gain. It is the fear of losing control and feeling a failure.
And then you have the side effects of the eating disorder…
Hair falling out
The loss of your period
Yellowing of nails
Cuts and bruises on knuckles
Chilblains because of bad circulation
There are so many more side effects of this illness that it will take me forever to write. But these are ones that i myself, have experienced.
Having an eating disorder may feel like an addiction. Drug addicts get their high through drugs, we get our own high through weight loss and knowing we have gone through another day without eating and without being beaten.
But overall, having an eating disorder feels like you are carrying a weight on your shoulders which leaves you with so much pain that it feels like it will never truly go away no matter how hard you try. However, we need to believe in ourselves and stay positive as recovery is always possible.
However, we need to believe in ourselves and stay positive as recovery is always possible.
If you have an eating disorder or know someone who is suffering. Please get help. An eating disorder is so so dangerous and feels like such a burden. Do not suffer alone.