Disclaimer: This piece may be triggering to some readers.
It is so easy to starve yourself
in the same way she starved you of love.
It is so easy to withhold nourishment from your body
in the way she withheld nourishment from your soul.
because that feeling of emptiness, of nothing inside
you have ever known
and so to feel full is so frightening, so unfamiliar
and apparently you are undeserving of that sensation
for how else can you defend her deprivation?
How else can you explain the fact
that the same woman who brought you into the world
the same woman who was your world
is the same woman who brought it crashing down around you?
How else can you explain that
if not by diminishing your own worth?
what I wish you would realize
what I wish you would open your eyes wide enough to see
is that none of
is your fault
but rather hers,
rather due to her own inability to peer beyond her own demons
and see the angel that you are.
Darling, this is not your war
and your body is not a battlefield
nor are calories a crime.
Self-starvation is not your salvation
for it only continues the cycle she set
The only one who can save you now
and the only way out is to eat,
to fight through each tearful bite and merciless meal
to fight back against the urges and her voice shouting in your head,
to feed yourself and fight this sickness,
not the other way around.
Stop punishing your beautiful self for the cruelties she committed –
the soul that should be serving time is hers and hers alone.
Darling, you are so much more
than the unmothered child
the unwanted daughter.
If you want to define yourself as un-anything,
be unbound, unleashed and uninhibited –
be more than the perfect puppet she wanted you to be.
Somewhere beneath the lies she laid upon you
and the criticisms and insults she said make up who you are,
somewhere beneath it all is YOU.
There is an innocent little girl and a powerful young woman
waiting to be released.
So darling, take a breath and unchain her,
darling, set yourself free once and for all.
Stop waiting for her to give a love she is incapable of ever giving
and learn to love