by Ellie Thomas
Note: This post originally appeared on insights to the world of an introvert and has been cross-posted with permission.
Easter, a time of new beginnings, warmth and anything cute and fluffy, the complete opposite of an eating disorder which is a still and cold place, an ugly and sharp place, that destroys and takes lives. Having this horrible illness manifesting within you is so hard, but trying to tear it away is even harder, I know it clings still to every crevasse of your brain and even when you think you’ve finally pulled it away it jumps out to surprise you. How do these two complete opposites go hand in hand, a holiday of hope and an illness of despair? You are not alone in thinking they don’t, here’s some tips on how to keep your eating disorder at bay this holiday season.
Fighting negative thoughts at any time of the year is hard, but it’s especially hard when the world around you looks so happy, where everything is moving on and you feel stuck, just remember you’re not alone; you’re allowed to find it hard, you’re allowed to struggle, you’re allowed to cry, but you’re not allowed to give up. Food may seem so difficult right now like it’s the only thing that matters but you are so much more than the food you are fuelled by, life has so much to offer you, each bite you take you are fighting for it. Even if your hands are shaking, eyes are welling up, and hands are clenched so hard your nails imprint to your palms, if you pick up that fork and eat your food, in that moment you are choosing to fight. You are choosing your future, you are choosing to jump in puddles, graduating, getting a dream job, having an engagement ring put on your finger, with that forkful you are choosing walks in the sand, choosing to live to see your sister grow up, by eating even though your heads screaming at you telling you not to you are choosing to see what life has in store for you, and that’s amazing. In a world that seems to be coming to life and oozing happiness let yourself have some of that,
Food seems to be the centre of most holidays and Easter is no exception, and sometimes its so overwhelming to have all of this food surrounding you, even if it seems impossible you can do it. Don’t be scared to talk about it, communicate, with your care team and family members to try and make it as manageable as possible. Most importantly be kind to yourself, as spring comes and the flowers grow so can you. Blossom, grow, bloom, be your best self, fuel yourself enough to grow as much as you deserve, to blossom so much you reach your dreams. Easter might be hard, but I believe in you and you can do it, you are loved and deserve to eat.